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Carlene Tan Li Xuan
11th July 1988.
Currently 23+.
Studied in St. Anthony's Canossian Primary and Secondary School,
SRJC (first 3 months),
TPJC, NUS FASS (econs).
loves family, friends, chocs, western desserts, yellow, etc etc.

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Friday, February 17, 2006

My topic today: Trust

Trust is a funny thing. You take donkey years to build it up, but all can be lost in a second.

Building trust is like taking a glass container into the middle of the field waiting for it to be filled with rainwater. When rain falls, drops of rain collect inside the container. Like trust, it build up drop by drop. Day after day, if rain falls, water builds up. Like friendship, trust between friends build up the same way. Trust isn't a gift from heaven; it takes time; takes faith, just like collecting of rainwater. Likewise between friends, you need to spend time together, to know each other better and thus, slowly build up trust.

It isn't always a smooth process of course. Like the weather, there are days the sun decides to spoil your efforts and the scorching sun evapourates some of the water in your container. Like between friends, there are quarrels and disagreements, but you do not stop there. It will rain again soon, just like things will become peaceful between friends again.

Then as days pass; weeks pass; months pass, the water collected reach nearer and nearer to the brim. Like trust, as days, weeks, months pass, trust collects and builds up. Now, instead of "hey, nice clothes u have" kind of talks between friends, its "man, i feel like crap. last night... ..." kind of talks. You confide in each other. You hand to them your sorrows, of which hopefully they can hepl and guide you.

At last, the container's filled. You pick it up, and head home. It's amazing how much use a glass container of water can bring to you. you could wash clothes with it, or maybe water plants so on and so forth. Just like friendship, this is the peak period. The best moments of the friendship. "hey! my cute guy!!" =) or "my bf disappointed me when he said... ...". Important things that goes on during our daily life. Special little secrets shared between just you and me.

But, sadly, you saw something. You drop the glass container of water. It shatters. Not a single drop of water is left. You stare at it. You don't get it. How can something you took so long to collect be lost in just 1 action. Just a moment of carelessness. Just a moment of disbelief. Like trust, all can be lost within a second. Something your friend did, something your friend said, some action your friend made, anyone of these possibilities can make this trust you once cherished so much, this trust that took so much time to build up disappear right before you. You start to cry.

Of course, you can join the broken pieces back; or you could just get another glass container and fill it again. But it won't ever be the same will it? Fixing it back will leave a scar that can never be erased. Getting a new 1 wouldn't be the same. Anyhow; any choice, the mark will always be there. Just like trust, of course you can build it up again. Maybe this time, it'll take twice the amount of time than before. It'll take many action; a great deal of sincerity to reach the level it was before. But somehow, the hurt is there, the memory is there. So hard to erase; so hard to forgive. Just like the broken container. So hard to forgive youself for that 1 careless mistake that cost everything to go to waste.

Just like real life, many of these incidents happen around us everyday. One moment, we'll be best friends and just a second later, we're enemies. And all it take to change this friendship so drastically is trust.

You trust a friend. Tell him/her all your sadness; your sorrows; your grief; your happiest moments; tell him/her all your relationship problems. To most of us, we know what we can tell others what we can't. We know for sure relationship problems should just be kept like a little secret between you and that friend. You trust that friend to not make a fool of you; and more so, never to stab you in the back. But this friend does the opposite. He/she know not what to say and what not to. everything is spilled out. Not the exact way you told him/her but with variations. Bad variations. These "real" stories make people who you could once talk to change their mind. People around you start distancing themselves away. And even they too start talking behind your back. Everyone looks at you with demeaning eyes. How would you feel? Can you trust this person again? can you forgive him/her all in all. It isn't easy at all huh.

Well, all it takes is just to trust ONE wrong perosn and your life's in a dismal mess. To pick up again needs a whole lot of moral support from people who really care.
To my friends who've been through what i've just mentioned:
Don't give up and don't feel devastated cause i know out there in the world, there are people who'll be there for you no matter what. Your family for one will deifinitely be with you. Your true friends will always be there. So pick up yourself against those superficial people who believe whatever they hear before finding out the truth. As long as you're true to yourself, you don't have to be afraid of these kind of people. Although it isn't easy, but its possible.

Love, carlene